After the talk that I had with my Mom today was yet another reminder that her family sucks, and when I say her family I mean the people I grew up with. My Mom, Dad, Sabina, Casey, Cody, and Lily. I am always trying with my mom, it seems to be a waste of time. I new when I was in Mexico that the reason I never saw any of them is because of the choice I made to live so far away. I have been in Oregon since August. I have seen my mom twice, once when she drove up here and stayed with me three nights and made it clear that she wouldn't be back, and another time when the kids and I drove to see her for two nights. My dad has made it really clear is has NO interest in me or my kids. Why he hates me is beyond me, but I can't keep putting myself out there for him to hurt me! Sabina I haven't seen in 6 yrs. Casey well I saw him once outside of the Langlois Market in Langlois for about 10 minutes and met his kids that are 6 and 4 for the first time. Cody I see more of, and am able to talk on the phone, and my kids know who he is. Lily and I have a guess the most normal sibling relationship with and I wish she was closer so I could see more of her. My kids now her and love her so much! She is the ONLY one that calls on my birthday or will call the kids on there birthdays! Did I mention that My Mom, Dad, Casey, and Cody all live in the same town.
Cody is getting married in Sept. He is having Casey, Lily, and I be the groomsmen. I am so happy that he wants to let me share in this occasion with him. On the other hand that anxiety about all of it has kicked in. I want to do whatever Cody and Amber need from me so there wedding day can be about them, and celebrating what they have going on. What I see happening is that my mom won't be able to deal with the stress of anything and will be the whipping post for that. My dad acting like he is some kind of victim with the way our relationship is, when he is the one that has made it clear that if I don't except Pat that he won't have anything to do with me and my kids. Pat was his choice not mine. Casey is just going to be mean to me. Not allot to look forward to.
So everything is starting to wear on me and it is making me a little sick. I am a single mom of two kids and I am trying so hard to give them everything they need. I don't have support from anyone. I wouldn't change the way the boys and I live. I just wish they had more then just me. Tarzan is out of school for the summer and he would like to spend time with my mom, but the question is will she ever find time for him. Awhile ago he asked me if my Dad was dead, I never talk about him so I guess it was a good question. We don't get Christmas cards, Birthday cards, or phone calls from him, he doesn't want anything to do with me so I guess he doesn't want anything to do with my kids. I just had to explain that he was alive and we just don't see him. What more can I say.
I wish that I could interview Grandparents for my kids and the would come with an assortment of Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. These feelings come in waves and I hope that since I have put a little bit out there that I will feel a little better! I know this will be hard when the holidays roll around, and it will always make me a little sad. I guess I am just feeling lonely, and I wish someone had time for my kids.
Cody is getting married in Sept. He is having Casey, Lily, and I be the groomsmen. I am so happy that he wants to let me share in this occasion with him. On the other hand that anxiety about all of it has kicked in. I want to do whatever Cody and Amber need from me so there wedding day can be about them, and celebrating what they have going on. What I see happening is that my mom won't be able to deal with the stress of anything and will be the whipping post for that. My dad acting like he is some kind of victim with the way our relationship is, when he is the one that has made it clear that if I don't except Pat that he won't have anything to do with me and my kids. Pat was his choice not mine. Casey is just going to be mean to me. Not allot to look forward to.
So everything is starting to wear on me and it is making me a little sick. I am a single mom of two kids and I am trying so hard to give them everything they need. I don't have support from anyone. I wouldn't change the way the boys and I live. I just wish they had more then just me. Tarzan is out of school for the summer and he would like to spend time with my mom, but the question is will she ever find time for him. Awhile ago he asked me if my Dad was dead, I never talk about him so I guess it was a good question. We don't get Christmas cards, Birthday cards, or phone calls from him, he doesn't want anything to do with me so I guess he doesn't want anything to do with my kids. I just had to explain that he was alive and we just don't see him. What more can I say.
I wish that I could interview Grandparents for my kids and the would come with an assortment of Aunts, Uncles, and Cousins. These feelings come in waves and I hope that since I have put a little bit out there that I will feel a little better! I know this will be hard when the holidays roll around, and it will always make me a little sad. I guess I am just feeling lonely, and I wish someone had time for my kids.
