As angry as I am about every shitty thing that TML has done to me. I am so resentful of him because of the choices he made after the birth of the fat baby. I also know that I have made bad choices, and that I am not perfect.
I am not sure about what I want, but I know that I have these two beautiful small children that adore him very much. And I hope that for them TML can pull threw. I know that if he were to show up here today that I would be happy for a moment, but I also know that we would have to get help, that we would both have to learn how to work threw all of the problems of the past. That it would take so much from both of us.
I have moments were I miss him, and I can't just stop loving him.
It is so easy for everyone to say that I have made the right choice in leaving him and yada yada... I just walked away from a relationship, and the father of my children. I think what gets lost is that I have two kids, I am starting over with two kids. Thankfully I have somewhere to stay, but what I need is a place for the boys and I. I need furniture, I need everything that goes with starting over.
It is so hard to go on a job interview and be like I really want this job, this is exactly what I am looking for, and all of the things you say when trying to get a job. Then be like I am only available 8 am to 2 pm, sorry I have kids and yes I need a job, but my kids have to come first. Oh, and I am all alone with them, so yes if anything happens to them, then I am the only one that they have to be responsible for them.
Rose's where I am working, I made a point not to mention that I have kids, and said that I was flexible. So this is how that panned out. I have only worked night shifts, and 8 hrs on Sunday. Not really ideal for a single mother, that doesn't have childcare, nights or on the weekends. I am hoping with time, that I can start getting more of the hours that I need.
I hope my job, can work into the shift I need eventually....
I am not sure about what I want, but I know that I have these two beautiful small children that adore him very much. And I hope that for them TML can pull threw. I know that if he were to show up here today that I would be happy for a moment, but I also know that we would have to get help, that we would both have to learn how to work threw all of the problems of the past. That it would take so much from both of us.
I have moments were I miss him, and I can't just stop loving him.
It is so easy for everyone to say that I have made the right choice in leaving him and yada yada... I just walked away from a relationship, and the father of my children. I think what gets lost is that I have two kids, I am starting over with two kids. Thankfully I have somewhere to stay, but what I need is a place for the boys and I. I need furniture, I need everything that goes with starting over.
It is so hard to go on a job interview and be like I really want this job, this is exactly what I am looking for, and all of the things you say when trying to get a job. Then be like I am only available 8 am to 2 pm, sorry I have kids and yes I need a job, but my kids have to come first. Oh, and I am all alone with them, so yes if anything happens to them, then I am the only one that they have to be responsible for them.
Rose's where I am working, I made a point not to mention that I have kids, and said that I was flexible. So this is how that panned out. I have only worked night shifts, and 8 hrs on Sunday. Not really ideal for a single mother, that doesn't have childcare, nights or on the weekends. I am hoping with time, that I can start getting more of the hours that I need.
I hope my job, can work into the shift I need eventually....
