Is it weak to continue stay in a relationship that hasn't been working out for a longtime? Or is it holding on to hope? Is holding on to what could be bad? Probably.
I wouldn't describe myself as someone week, maybe at times a pushover, weak not a word I would use to describe myself. I am not sure what I am holding on to anymore, the cultural differences are GIGANTISIMO!!! He is unavailable emotionally. His is blind to anything that concerns his family and they are extremely overbearing. His family is another blog post.
So here I am in the states, with my wonderful kids, and today was a hard day, but most sundays are. When I am in Zihua the kids wake up early, and because TML has been at work until the early hours of the morning I try to let him sleep so I leave. I take the kids to Ixtapa to get coffee, well coffee for me and hot chocolate for the kids. Then I just try to waste time there walking around looking in the windows and yada yada.
The apartment is so small in Zihua I can't take the kids to another part of the house.. There is know space to breath. This is a reminder for me .. when I am having a hard time, when it would be nice to have a little support I have to remind myself even if I had stayed in zihua, it wouldn't be much different then what is going on here, or maybe even less support.
Let me describe the apartment.. There isn't a washer or dryer. The is a concrete wash board encase I feel like an upper body workout I could go crazy and wash my clothes by hand, or everybody's because I do the laundry for a family of four.
There isn't a sofa, there would be a blow up air mattress. You know if by chance someone wants to stop by I can invite them to lay down on the bed with me. There use to be a sofa, you know when you rent a furnished apartment you get someones old furniture. So the sofa was so gross I finally had to threaten to put it out on the street, instead the landlord came and picked it up to have it repaired, on Mexican time. So in over 4 months I never saw the sofa again. Just the blow up air mattress, that took up the entire living room.
The apartment does have cockroaches, and red ants. It doesn't have a bathtub, just a shower. With small children to give them a shower you have to get in the shower with them or you just end up all wet with your clothes on.
The apartment also is lacking a bed for the fat baby. So I let him sleep with me, and if I let one sleep with me then I have to let the other sleep with me too. So I lived in a tiny tiny shitty apartment with cockroaches and red ants, and nothing else. Sometimes we could go days without water or gas, so there isn't a place to wash your dishes, but that doesn't really matter because if there isn't gas to cook your food.. then there is know need to wash dishes. On a lighter note if there isn't any water you can't flush the fucking toilet either or take a shower. que rico!
So I ask myself again if I made the right choice in coming back to the states... I guess it would have only been a bad choice if I would have went to Texas.
Here there isn't someone mad at me everyday for god only knows.
When I am having a hard time, I have to remind myself that I made the choice to be in the states. If the kids are stressing me out, it is what would be going on in zihua or worst At least here only the kids are stressing me out and not ther person I need to support from.
I miss TML, he doesn't seem to miss me. I don't know what is going with our relationship. I don't know what to say if someone ask me if I am paired up with someone.
I am here with my kids, and I am not going back to zihua. I know that for sure.
I miss TML, but I don't miss how we lived there. I don't miss the luxury life style we had. I miss TML and everyday seems to be a little more lonely. I will be OK!
I wouldn't describe myself as someone week, maybe at times a pushover, weak not a word I would use to describe myself. I am not sure what I am holding on to anymore, the cultural differences are GIGANTISIMO!!! He is unavailable emotionally. His is blind to anything that concerns his family and they are extremely overbearing. His family is another blog post.
So here I am in the states, with my wonderful kids, and today was a hard day, but most sundays are. When I am in Zihua the kids wake up early, and because TML has been at work until the early hours of the morning I try to let him sleep so I leave. I take the kids to Ixtapa to get coffee, well coffee for me and hot chocolate for the kids. Then I just try to waste time there walking around looking in the windows and yada yada.
The apartment is so small in Zihua I can't take the kids to another part of the house.. There is know space to breath. This is a reminder for me .. when I am having a hard time, when it would be nice to have a little support I have to remind myself even if I had stayed in zihua, it wouldn't be much different then what is going on here, or maybe even less support.
Let me describe the apartment.. There isn't a washer or dryer. The is a concrete wash board encase I feel like an upper body workout I could go crazy and wash my clothes by hand, or everybody's because I do the laundry for a family of four.
There isn't a sofa, there would be a blow up air mattress. You know if by chance someone wants to stop by I can invite them to lay down on the bed with me. There use to be a sofa, you know when you rent a furnished apartment you get someones old furniture. So the sofa was so gross I finally had to threaten to put it out on the street, instead the landlord came and picked it up to have it repaired, on Mexican time. So in over 4 months I never saw the sofa again. Just the blow up air mattress, that took up the entire living room.
The apartment does have cockroaches, and red ants. It doesn't have a bathtub, just a shower. With small children to give them a shower you have to get in the shower with them or you just end up all wet with your clothes on.
The apartment also is lacking a bed for the fat baby. So I let him sleep with me, and if I let one sleep with me then I have to let the other sleep with me too. So I lived in a tiny tiny shitty apartment with cockroaches and red ants, and nothing else. Sometimes we could go days without water or gas, so there isn't a place to wash your dishes, but that doesn't really matter because if there isn't gas to cook your food.. then there is know need to wash dishes. On a lighter note if there isn't any water you can't flush the fucking toilet either or take a shower. que rico!
So I ask myself again if I made the right choice in coming back to the states... I guess it would have only been a bad choice if I would have went to Texas.
Here there isn't someone mad at me everyday for god only knows.
When I am having a hard time, I have to remind myself that I made the choice to be in the states. If the kids are stressing me out, it is what would be going on in zihua or worst At least here only the kids are stressing me out and not ther person I need to support from.
I miss TML, he doesn't seem to miss me. I don't know what is going with our relationship. I don't know what to say if someone ask me if I am paired up with someone.
I am here with my kids, and I am not going back to zihua. I know that for sure.
I miss TML, but I don't miss how we lived there. I don't miss the luxury life style we had. I miss TML and everyday seems to be a little more lonely. I will be OK!
